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Halloween Land Carp Attack
Des Plaines, Illinois – A Des Plaines resident was dragged from her house and brutally chomped upon by a large Asian Carp on Halloween night.
“It was the scariest thing that ever happened to me,” said the frightened and wet resident. “I had heard the Jaws Theme playing in the back ground, but thought it was part of a child’s Halloween costume.”
Apparently, the unidentified young woman opened the door to the words trick-or-treat and then was pounced upon by the hefty Asian Carp. Experts speculate that the land carp escaped from the Des Plaines River during recent flooding.
“It was only a matter of time before this happened,” explained David Greene, a professor of environmental studies at the University of Michigan. “Climate change is going to give the land carp more of an advantage with harsh fast rains and increased flooding. These creatures adapt very quickly to their new ecosystems and it isn’t surprising that they’ve recently been able to transit land.”
Since this news broke, two more houses have been attacked. “The land carp came to my door on Sunday night, but I had heard about the Halloween attack from a neighbor at church,” said another female victim. “When I came to the door, he said he had a candygram for me, but I didn’t buy it. I said you’re that terrible land carp I’ve heard about aren’t you? I threatened to call the police and then he became very quiet. It was then that he told me he was only a catfish and I, sniff, I, well, I opened the door,” she said while she rubbed her bruised shoulder.
The Asian Carp grew bolder at the next house, according to the resident who said that she asked who it was and the fish responded, “Land Carp.” The resident opened the door as she had not read the newspaper all week, but she walked away with just a few bruises.
Police report that there have been several other sightings. The sizeable land carp was last seen heading for Lake Michigan.
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